Devil's Lollipop
by Mizeru
Summary: The Devil is said to be the most handsome creature to the human eye. Unfortunately, this ladies man needs an heir to carry on the family name. But with an attitude like his, and a mouth like hers, all Hell was doomed. SasuSaku, AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Devil's Lollipop  
**Genre: **Romance/Humor  
**Pairings: **Sasu/Saku  
**Summary: **The Devil is said to be the most handsome creature to the human eye. Unfortunately, this ladies man needs an heir to carry on the family name. But with an attitude like his, and a mouth like hers, all Hell was doomed. Chaos ensues.

**Disclaimer: **STANDARD.

* * *

The devil is said to be the most appealing creature to the naked eye. 

Words like velvet, touches so sinfully delicious, Uchiha Sasuke proved the theory correct. The people of Hell (population: growing) often stopped and stared as the dark master went on his weekly inspection, hardly showing interest in his duty as the King of Darkness.

Ah, that was another thing.

While the Devil is the most appealing creature to the naked eye, his personality ruined everything. Colder than the arctic, tongue sharper than the sharpest of blades, even his closest friends could not help but feel weary around the young master.

He didn't care, he told himself arrogantly as he ventured back to his throne room. The Devil did as he willed, and he'll be damned before he let anyone tell him what to do.

That is, of course, until the council delivered the lowest of blows, fronted by his demeaning brother himself:

"The King of Darkness must acquire an heir."

"You need a wife to do that, lest you be asexual…though that would not surprise me at all." Itachi added as an afterthought, feeding off of his younger brothers growing discomfort.

Needless to say, all hell broke loose.

- -

-

_"Now listen here," Kakashi, a silver-haired man donning a trademark mask began lazily. "Your reign is coming to a close soon. Unless you acquire a wife and an heir, your title will be given to the worthiest one in this kingdom, A.K.A., _me._"_

"That will never happen." Sasuke bit out, hands shaking unpleasantly at his sides.

"Good, because I don't want your job." Kakashi shrugged, getting out a orange-covered book.

"See to it that you get a strong wife," Itachi drawled, both his hands resting on his thighs as he leaned forward to gaze at a bowl full of goldfishes. "You can dispose her later, because all we really need is an heir."

"You can look on Earth for one of those," Kakashi interjected lazily, flipping a page.

"Earth…eh?"

* * *

"Come off it!" Haruno Sakura, a pink-haired lass giggled as she walked alongside her best friend. School had been let out hours before, and the two girls ventured the streets of Tokyo, eye-shopping with avid interest. "I don't like Akira!"

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really." She sucked on her Popsicle before continuing:

_"I'd rather walk through hell back and forth than like him."_

* * *

**A/N: **Reviews would be generous! 


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Devil's Lollipop  
**Genre: **Romance/Humor  
**Pairings: **Sasu/Saku  
**Summary: **The Devil is said to be the most handsome creature to the human eye. Unfortunately, this ladies man needs an heir to carry on the family name. But with an attitude like his, and a mouth like hers, all Hell was doomed. Chaos ensues.

**Disclaimer: **STANDARD.

* * *

Hell was relatively morose the next day (after all, this _is _Hell we're talking about). The occupants of the Dark Kingdom pondered over possible reasons about their master's obvious wrath and discomfort. Some blamed it on the weather (which is laughable; Hell only had one weather, and surprisingly, it was not hot or humid as most imagined, but rather icy and cold.) 

Others blamed it on Itachi, Sasuke's older brother who had flicked the title of 'Satan' away from him with cool disinterest. The latter was more realistic, more so than the former at least, but no one was sure.

"Get back to work," A horned-minion snarled unpleasantly at the weary slaves.

So much for pondering.

- -

-

Back in the palace, Sasuke gazed out of the window with a frown.

"Earth?" He murmured softly, closing his eyes. His frown then became more pronounced. "I don't like it. Earth is weak."

"_Everyone _is weak to you," Kakashi muttered, dog-earing his favorite book. He shoved it back into his pouch before crossing his arms casually. "But that's okay; there are suitable girls here, I suppose."

Sasuke opened his eyes again, carefully contemplating his situation. He was only vaguely aware of one of his minions brutally tearing an old man apart from afar; faint blood-curdling cries emitted from the mans mouth, thick red substance flowing from his mutilated body. Sasuke snorted, and turned his back on the window.

"Absolutely not." He finally said, crossing his legs. He paused, before asking curiously, "Can anyone even reproduce after they died?"

Itachi, who had been watching his younger brother's obvious dilemma, snorted. "I'll send out Naruto-kun to search for suitable wives, otouto. On earth." He said calmly, and then shrugged. "Unless you want to go wife-picking yourself…?" Sasuke glared.

"Shut up."

Kakashi clapped his hands together, smiling from beneath his mask.

"It's settled."

* * *

When Kakashi had interrupted Naruto's nap after a daily ramen marathon, the golden-haired man was less than pleased. He thrashed, he screamed, and he _howled._

Or wailed.

"Why _me?_" He whined, shoving on his orange and black jumper. "Every time you send me out, it's _always _because of Sasuke-teme!"

The silver-haired man ignored him and held out a clipboard. "Write down a list of possible girls. Remember to look into their personal records, and be thorough about it. Understood?"

Naruto sighed, kicking at the marbled floor, and saluted sluggishly. "Aye, aye!"

"And," Kakashi continued, holding up a menacing finger, "Do _not _blow your cover. Is that clear?"

"Uh-DUH!"

Of course, unbeknownst to the fashion-inept man, whenever one happened to tell the youth what _not _to do, he ended up doing it anyway.

* * *

_Japan  
7:45PM_

Thirteen ramen breaks later, Naruto finally ventured on his quest for finding the bastard a wife. He didn't know where to start, as Kakashi had not given him a set of instructions, or, at least, Sasuke had ordered him not to.

"What a sadistic bastard," Naruto grumbled, his clipboard swinging at his side. "He's probably laughing at me in Hell."

No puns intended, of course.

He continued to walk through the streets of Tokyo, unsure of what to make of his task. He didn't know _what _kind of girls the ice-cube liked, and he wasn't even sure if Sasuke liked girls in general.

Perhaps old women, Naruto thought as he peered at a woman who looked like some kid's great-grandmother.

He shook his head, and ran his fingers through his tangled mane. '_Focus!' _He spotted a girl in a green and white school uniform, and he immediately studied her. Brown hair, average height, plain face. A bit skinny, he noted with a small frown, and she did not look older than fourteen. He immediately crossed her off of his mental list.

He continued to walk down the street, a pout forming on his face. Did lovely-looking girls run out of stock when he dispatched from the world a century before? He seriously contemplated picking a random girl just so that he could go back to his cozy ramen sanctuary in Hell, but he remembered what Sasuke had done to him the last time he failed to follow his orders.

_"You're on probation for two weeks," Sasuke smirked cruelly, patting a large chained box. Naruto sobbed, tugging at the chains. _

_"My ramen! You bastard!"_

Naruto sighed and was about to call it a day when a flash of pink caught his eyes.

Hair. Pink _hair. _

Intrigued, all signs of weariness disappeared as he bee-lined the pink-haired individual. From its shade, he could tell that it was natural, an odd color for an Asian, or anyone for that matter.

Perhaps his work was going to be easier than he thought, he told himself happily.

Voices grew louder as he neared the person. "…I'll see you tomorrow then, Piggybank." A weary feminine voice said, as the other girl chorused parting greetings back. He remained in the shadows, and took a step back when the person finally turned around.

She was a bit small, he thought as he scribbled on the clipboard. Green-eyes, _natural _green. Fair-skinned, and a very, _very _entrancing smile…a smile that made him want to smile. He followed her slowly, his head bent as he scribbled away. A dream girl, he kept on telling himself. Perhaps Sasuke would not be so indifferent to her…?

"AIEE! _PERVERT!_"

A swing, a whack, and a thrash. Naruto looked up hurriedly, and his jaws fell open as he witnessed the supposed dream girl slam her Mary-Jane clad foot down onto the unsuspecting groin of a lecher who had obviously met his downfall. The once peaceful smile had fled the epitome of nature itself, and a twisted snarl resided on her face.

As he continued to observe her wrath, a slow smile touched Naruto's semi-frightened face.

'_Perfect.'_

* * *

**A/N: **Much thanks to the ones that reviewed the last chapter. This wasn't my best yet, but I had the urge to put it up and out of the way. Thanks again! 


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